Be Honest...How Often Do You Lie?

Lies have been on my mind a lot recently - partly because I’ve just finished reading Little White Lies by Philippa East (unputdownable!) and partly because I’m plotting my next novel. As with my debut, The Silent Daughter, my second book is packed with lies and secrets.

But does this reflect real life?

Call me a cynic, but I think it does.

I consider myself to be an open, honest person – but I do think most of us tell a few tiny mistruths every single day. Think about the last time someone started a question with the words Do you mind if… and ask yourself if you gave a totally honest answer.

So what was my most recent lie? It emerged at the weekend when friends asked if I minded them speaking Catalan instead of Spanish during lunch. I was the only non-Catalan speaker, so I lied and said no - pretending I knew far more Catalan than I actually did. I smiled A LOT during that lunch, but understood very little.

So why didn’t I just tell the truth?

In that case I think my Britishness came into play. I didn’t want to appear rude and force everyone to switch language for my benefit. I also felt a little bit guilty about the fact I’ve not yet learned the local language despite living here for five years. And so I suffered in silence.

But what would I have said if they’d asked me how I felt?

Fine.

And did I feel fine? Of course not.

Anyone else ever done the same? I’m sure most of you – if you’re honest – have smiled and said you feel fine even when you’re furious/upset/anxious/disappointed on the inside.

But why do we do it? Why can’t we just tell the truth?

Writing in National Geographic magazine, Yudhijit Bhattacharjee claims lying has a very long history. He says: “Researchers speculate that lying as a behaviour arose not long after the emergence of language. The ability to manipulate others without using physical force likely conferred an advantage in the competition for resources and mates, akin to the evolution of deceptive strategies in the animal kingdom, such as camouflage.”

I love the comparison he makes between human lies and camouflage – because if you think about it, that’s exactly what lies are.

When we tell a lie, big or small, we’re camouflaging what we really think or feel or know. And whatever the situation, our motive is very often the same. To protect ourselves or others – which is the same role camouflage plays in both the animal and human kingdoms.

The other key reason humans lie is for personal gain – whether we are scamming cash from someone or trying to convince people we’re more successful/clever/popular than we really are. But at its heart, I think that kind of lying is about self-protection too - admittedly, in a slightly twisted way!

What do you think about all these theories? Do we really lie every single day?

If you’re not convinced, why not set yourself the challenge of noting down every mistruth you tell today – then put the result in the comments section below! I won’t tell anyone else. Honestly…